eternity

So I realized I haven't been writing in my blog everyday what I am thankful for-but I have been keeping track of my intent to become a more grateful person and everyday I allow my mind to ponder many things for which I give thanks. My heart has been somewhat heavy this week as two of my residents at the nursing home passed away. Death was one of my greatest (if not the greatest) fears I had in life. That fear was quickly erased after spending barely a month working in a place where death occured on an almost weekly basis. Although the physical process of death itself is difficult to watch, there is a part of me that grew accustomed to working in this environment. Once the dying process moves towards the final stages, I was continually amazed at many nurses ability to predict almost to the hour when the resident would take their last breath. Death is a part of life. Because I work so closely with death I ponder this topic regularly. You would think, because of the nature of Alzheimer's disease, that death would be somewhat of a relief. I have listened to many families say that the actual death was even harder than the struggle while the person was living. We don't like to say good-bye. While Alzheimer's has often been referred to as "the long good-bye," we are still able to talk to, hug, and care for this person. Death means we will not see them until we reach eternity. We cannot look at them and remember, we cannot touch their hand, or sit with them while they eat. Because we cannot fathom eternity, it is only natural that in our human minds death seems so final. People get excited about the fact that when we get to heaven we will all receive new bodies. We will no longer have the physical ailments, limitations, or imperfections, we struggle with on this earth. However I come at this from a different perspective, I am ecstatic to be greeted by a host of people who will be completely different from how I knew them on this earth. This is because they not only will have new bodies but new minds as well. Although I love my residents just for who they are, I look forward to the day when Alzheimer's disease no longer robs these people, and their families, of everything they hold dear. I look forward to knowing these people and not having to wonder what they were really like, or having to ask family members what they like and dislike, for they can no longer tell me themselves. Some people who have dementia, in fact I would say at least half of those I've met, are not miserable. Most have days where the confusion is greater than other days, but for the most part they seem content to be oblivious. They do things that don't make sense and make statements that make even less sense, but they laugh-and we laugh with them- and overall they seem to squeeze a decent amount of enjoyment out of life. Unfortunately, there are also those whom the disease has taken their minds and held them captive. The man who passed away this week struggled with the greatest mental mayhem I have ever observed in an Alzheimer's patient. I'll call him John. He was constantly confused and miserable. The only thing that relaxed him was sitting in the sun and a cup of hot coffee. Nothing else soothed his misery. I passed John in the hall a few days ago and he had a terrified/exasperated look on his face. I stopped to ask what was wrong, and he simply responded in a voice that was shaky- "I want to go home, please just let me go home." Three days later, John went home. I can't wait to join him and all the others who are now Home, free from the confusion and frustration I know the disease often caused them, but are now rejoicing because life on earth was temporary--and they are now living forever with new bodies and new minds.

who is the church?

So I've been pondering the message given in church this morning. What first got my attention was when the pastor, who happened to be a guest, stood up and said "I have prepared a message to deliver to you today, but if these are simply my words then you will leave and be the exact same as you were when you entered those doors. but if God speaks His words through me, you will be changed and never be the same." He proceeded to pray and gave the message. I was listening intently on the message he spoke concerning those who are held in slavery, those forced to work as prostitutes, and about the rights taken from orphans and widows. He went on to tell the story of a young girl who was held captive for years in a brothel where she was forced to service 4-5 men daily. Yet on the wall of her tiny room she had posted these words from Psalm 27- "The LORD is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. " If a young girl can claim this as her hope despite unthinkable circumstances- it shames me to consider my lack of confidence at times. The pastor went on to assert that God has given us a solution to many of these tragic situations, the church. In other words, us. I got to thinking, who exactly is "the church?" I mean its easy to hear sermons like this and think "someone else will pray for her" or "someone else will donate money to their cause" or "someone else will go on that mission trip," because after all the church is made up of a body of believers right? We often assume there are others who will take on the responsibility of being the church to non-believers. It is a dangerous choice to become comfortable because God clearly states in Isaiah 1:17 that we are required to seek justice, to encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless, and plead the case of the widow. God does not give exemptions or exceptions as to who He wants to be "the church" to the oppressed. In fact to the contrary in Romans God specifically says we all have different gifts, some have the gift of serving or teaching, others encourage, show mercy, or lead us. It is up to us as the body to show the world that God is good. It isn't simply up to he or she sitting in the seats next to me- how will I respond to God's call for justice? I am not an observer or merely a spectator, I am the church. It's up to me how I will carry out that responsibility.

freedom

I was reminded while I stood in line to vote today, what an amazing privilege it is to be voting for a leader without intimidation or fear of being harassed or even killed. I am thankful for freedom.
"The only sure bulwark of continuing liberty is a government strong enough to protect the interests of the people, and a people strong enough and well enough informed to maintain its sovereign control over the government." - Teddy Roosevelt

changing of seasons

Summer fades to fall, and fall all too quickly jumps into winter. The chilly air greets us in the morning and I am disappointed another summer has come and gone so quickly. I enjoy the changing of the seasons although it frequently brings uncertainty. As summer turns to fall, we marvel at the changing of the leaves and busy days of school and other activities. Then, as autumn gives way to winter we prepare for the holiday season, which brings a vast array of emotions and experiences depending on one's situation. We wonder how bad the snow will be and how icy the roads. I am reminded of the book of Daniel where it says God changes times and seasons, and in the same passage it says He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning, He reveals deep and hidden things. We often are called to move from one "season" to another in our lives. And due to human nature and fear of the unknown we often squirm and fuss and perhaps even panic, when God leads us into the unknown. It is not in our best interest to resist the changing of "seasons" in our lives, for we do not know what beautiful "leaves" or intricate "snowflakes" God may bring our way, if only we trust Him.

tastebuds

I'm a firm believer in the fact that we often do not realize how much we appreciate something or someone until it is taken from us, whether temporarily or permanently. Then our second problem is that if it is a temporary loss, as soon as it returns we promptly forget our appreciation during it's absence and once more take it for granted. For the last few days I have been battling a cold and realized how bland and "non-tasty" food can be when you're sick. I am so thankful for my tastebuds. They are such a small part of the body but yet bring much joy- especially when eating chocolate!

toothpaste

Yesterday was a fairly busy day so I did not have the opportunity to write, but nevertheless I have to say that my item of thanksgiving yesterday was toothpaste. I am an avid fan of flossing and brushing my teeth, often up to four times a day, and sometimes I stop and wonder what people used before toothpaste was invented? In fact maybe I should "google" that. Whatever they used probably worked, but I'm sure it didn't leave them with that cool, fresh, clean mouth feeling. Kind of a silly thing to be thankful for but hey, sometimes we overlook the silly things.

sunset

I have to say today that I am grateful for eyesight. Although mine seems to be deteriorating faster than would be ideal, I must praise God because I cannot imagine my life without it. I was stopped in my tracks when I saw the breathtaking sunset tonight. I can picture God embracing all these marvelous shades of red, orange, purple, and blue and then spreading them around the sky as if painting on a canvas. I often wonder how many times He creates a masterpiece for us to enjoy, but in our hurried lives we skip past it without a second thought? Everytime I see a sunset I think of how it rose in the east and took all day to move across the sky where it makes its exit with a grand array of colors- and in the same thought I am reminded how far my sins are removed from me. Do I serve God in such a way to warrant this great blotting out of all my iniquities? I feel so unworthy and undeserving.